JokeOfTheDay

ACTION'S LAW

   Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

ALBRECHT'S LAW

   Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

ALLEN'S (or CANN'S) AXIOM

   When all else fails, read the instructions.

BOREN'S FIRST LAW

   When in doubt, mumble.

BOVE'S THEOREM

   The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

BOWIE'S THEOREM

   If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

BROOK'S LAW

   Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

CANADA BILL JONES' MOTTO

   It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.

CANN'S (or ALLEN'S) AXIOM

   When all else fails, read the instructions.

CARLSON'S CONSOLATION

   Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

CLARKE'S THIRD LAW

   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

COHN'S LAW

   The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

CONWAY'S LAW

   In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

LAW OF CONTINUITY

   Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

CORRESPONDENCE COROLLARY

   An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

CROPP'S LAW

   The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

CUTLER WEBSTER'S LAW

   There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

DEADLINE-DAN'S DEMO DEMONSTRATION

   The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

DEMIAN'S OBSERVATION

   There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.

DENNISTON'S LAW

   Virtue is its own punishment.

THE DILBERT PRINCIPLE

   Incompetent Employees are promoted to the position where they can do the least damage - Management.
   - Scott Adams

DOW'S LAW

   In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

DR. CALIGARI'S COME-BACK

   A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.

ESTRIDGE'S LAW

   No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.

FINAGLE'S LAWS

      1. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
      2. No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.
      3. No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.
      4. No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.

FINAGLE'S RULES

      1. To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
      2. Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
      3. Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
      4. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
      5. Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
      6. Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.

FINSTER'S LAW

   A closed mouth gathers no feet.

FIRST RULE OF HISTORY

   History doesn't repeat itself - historians merely repeat each other.

FRANKLIN'S RULE

   Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.

GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY

      1. At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
      2. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
      3. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
      4. Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

GINSBERG'S THEOREM

      1. You can't win.
      2. You can't break even.
      3. You can't even quit the game.

GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS

   The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES

   Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

GOLD'S LAW

   If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

GORDON'S FIRST LAW

   If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

GOVERNMENT'S LAW

   There is an exception to all laws.

GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE

   Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

GUMMIDGES'S LAW

   The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

GUMPERSON'S LAW

   The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

HANLON'S RAZOR

   Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

HARP'S COROLLARY TO ESTRIDGE'S LAW

   Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.

HARRISON'S POSTULATE

   For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

HELLER'S LAW

   The first myth of management is that it exists.

HIGHT'S LAW OF INVERSE GRAVITATION

   Wealth flows uphill and pools at the top.

HINDS' LAW OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING

      1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
      2. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
      3. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
      4. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
      5. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
      6. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
      7. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROGRAMS

   Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
   See also Rhode's Corollary.

HUBBARD'S LAW

   Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.

JENKINSON'S LAW

   It won't work.

JOHNSON-LAIRD'S LAW

   Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.

LARKINSON'S LAW

   All laws are basically false.

THE LAST ONE'S LAW OF PROGRAM GENERATORS

   A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.

LIEBERMAN'S LAW

   Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

HENRY LUCE'S LAW

   No good deed goes unpunished

LYNCH'S LAW

   When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM

   The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

MAY'S LAW

   The quality of correlation is inverely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

MENCKEN'S LAW

   There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

MESKIMEN'S LAW

   There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

MUIR'S LAW

   When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

MURPHY'S LAWS

      1. If anything can go wrong, it will (and at the worst possible moment).
      2. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
      3. Everything takes longer than you think it will.
      4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

   See also O'Toole's Commentry.

MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS

   Things get worse under pressure.

NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES

   The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

NIXON'S THEOREM

   The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

NOLAN'S PLACEBO

   An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

OLIVER'S LAW OF LOCATION

   No matter where you are, there you are.

O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN

   Cleanliness is next to impossible.

OSBORN'S LAW

   Variables won't, constants aren't.

O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW

   Murphy was an optimist.

PARKINSON'S LAW

   Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

PARKINSON'S LAW (MODIFIED)

   The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

PEER'S LAW

   The solution to a problem changes the problem.

PETER'S PRINCIPLE

   In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

THE LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE

   You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

PUDDER'S LAW

   Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.)

RHODE'S COROLLARY TO HOARE'S LAW

   Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free.

ROBERT E. LEE'S TRUCE

   Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement.

RUDIN'S LAW

   In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

RULE OF ACCURACY

   When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to know the answer.

RYAN'S LAW

   Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

SATTINGER'S LAW

   It works better if you plug it in.

SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE

   People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

SHAW'S PRINCIPLE

   Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

SNAFU EQUATIONS

      1. Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.
      2. An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
      3. Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
      4. Interchangeable devices won't.
      5. In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
      6. Badness comes in waves.

STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION

   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

THOREAU'S THEORIES OF ADAPTATION

      1. After months of training and you finally understanding all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure.
      2. After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" taken away, and you're left with a useless routine.
      3. Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariable lead to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
      4. That's not a "bug", that's a feature====

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THYME'S LAW

   Everything goes wrong at once.

THE LAW OF THE TOO SOLID GOOF

   In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking contain the errors.

   Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.
   Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice, will spot it immediately.

UNNAMED LAW

   If it happens, it must be possible.

WEILER'S LAW

   Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.

WEINBERG'S COROLLARY

   An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

WEINBERG'S LAW

   If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

WHITEHEAD'S LAW

   The obvious answer is always overlooked.

WILCOX'S LAW

   A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

WOOD'S AXIOM

   As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

WOODWARD'S LAW

   A theory is better than its explanation.

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS

   Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can.